How I Found Out...

Him and I have always been very close. We are cousins. Growing up, he lived in Fresno CA. I lived in NM. Although we lived a few thousand miles apart, we were close. Once he graduated with three degrees from Stanford, a Sergeant in the Army, he was stationed in Fort Bliss, TX. Because of this he moved to El Paso and bought a home off base. He met a beautiful women (and very nice women) and they later married. We would go down to El Paso every 3-4 months to visit him and he would drive up here as well.

I remember it clearly, the last time I hung out with him on the outside of prison walls. It was the summer of 2005 (I think). He had come up to visit. Him and his wife, my husband and I, some other cousins of ours and friends all went out. We went to downtown Albuquerque and went club hopping. It was so much fun. We had a good time. We hugged and said our good byes. He went home and so did we.

I would talk to him once or twice a month on the phone and even more via email and text messaging. It had been a month. He had not responded to my texts, emails or phone calls. I didn't suspect much other then maybe he was SUPER busy. Him and his wife were getting ready to move to Austin so that he could achieve his PhD. and become a lawyer. Another month passed. Nothing. So I decided to call his wife (her and I were pretty close. She was so sweet, pretty and very nice). No answer. So I left her a message that went like this "Jessica, Its Kiera. I was calling to see how you two are doing. I have been trying to get a hold of Gary now for over a month and he hasn't returned any phone calls, emails or texts. Can you give me a call? Thank you. God bless". Nothing. No return call. Now I began to worry. I called my Aunt and told her that I haven't heard from Gary. She said that he had been really busy with the move and all and to just give him so time. So I did. I am guessing this was around October 2005.

In November 2005 I was visiting my mom at her house. We were sitting at the table when she says "Kiera, we need to talk". I could tell this wasn't going to be a very good conversation. She proceeded to tell me that Gary was in jail. She said that he had been under investigation for several months now and his home was raided by the FBI and they arrested him. WHAT????? This was my cousin who had graduated valedictorian of his high school class, went on to receive a full ride scholarship to Stanford and graduated from there with two Bachelor degrees and a Masters. WHAT???? For what? She went on to tell me about his addiction.

After she told me what was going on I was beyond shocked. How could I have NO idea that someone I was so close to had an addiction to pornography? How could I have NO idea that someone I was so close to had been under investigation by the FBI, and in jail for the last 3 months. YES- 3 months and NOBODY told me. I was appalled that my family kept it from me for so long. I asked my mom why? Why had nobody told me about this when it was happening? Maybe I could have tried to help him. She said that her sister (my Aunt) had told her a week ago. My Aunt had kept it from the family and finally decided to tell her siblings and gave them permission to tell their children.

He was embarrassed, and I totally understand that now. He had asked my Aunt to not tell anyone until it all was straightened out. Well... once he realized it was VERY serious and he might be in jail for a very long time he gave her permission to tell everyone.

We went to his sentencing in El Paso. It was a very emotional time for me. I hadn't seen my cousin in 4-5 months and when I walked into the court room he was dressed in full bright orange, his hands and feed shackled together. It was like he was a danger to society. I lost it and started crying uncontrollably. My friend Brande was there with me and she escorted me out of the court room so that my cousin wouldn't see me like that. He needed my support more then ever, not a sobbing mess of a cousin who was losing her mind. Long story short- he was sentenced to 20 years in a federal prison. He has been in the federal prison system for 3 years now. Three years- WOW has time flown. My husband and I have been to see him twice since he has been in California. He specifically requested a prison in California to be closer to his family out there.

That's how I found out.

We went to go see him in March of 2008. It was just my husband and I. I was REALLY nervous. I had never visited anyone in prison before. I had no idea what to expect. The day came to visit him. We left our hotel and drove to the prison. I was so nervous. I was nervous because I had not had a face to face conversation with him since that night at the bar. We had communicated a lot since this all happened but through letters. Here is a picture of our 1st visit with him in 2008:

We spent all day with him. It was so nice. I miss him so much. I promised him that I would be back.

Two years passed and my husband and I had a baby. My cousin obviously never met my son and it broke my heart. So I saved up money. Once I had enough money saved up we went back to California to see him again, this time with Liam. In April of 2010 Liam finally got to meet Gary. Liam enjoyed the visiting compounds of the prison. Lots of sunshine and grass. Him and Gary rolled around in the grass and played all day. My cousin was amused with Liam. You could tell my cousin had not been around a baby in a really long time. We had a great time there!

I miss him.